Sunday Scribbling: Change

Some things that have changed in my life:

Where I live: From province to province to province, from town to town
Who I live with: From my family of origin, to my grandmother; then to living alone, sometimes with flatmates; then with my husband... husband and son... then with my son; with just Trixie; then alone, as now.
What I eat,
What I wear,
Shape of my body,
Colour of my hair,
My religion
My work
Marital status
Some friends have come, some friends have gone


Some things that have never changed:

Knowing I am loved by my parents and family
Belief in God
Trust that change can be a good thing
Curiousity
My delight in this world we share


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That's all I have to say today about Sunday Scribbling's prompt of "Change", but there's lots more, so go see what's changed for the other participants!

The Truth

I've learnt a lot about myself and about life since my marriage ended more than 5 years ago. I've learnt to accept a lot about myself, and one of those things is that I have my own timing on certain tasks, and it's not right or wrong. It just is how it is. In my own good time, I become ready to do something that last week, last month or last year I wasn't ready to do. Why? Dunno.

And the mystery is that some of the things I put off don't seem to be particularly hard tasks. Some of the things I've accomplished were monumental (to me, at least). One of the things I've been really slow at dealing with was the change of my name from my married name back to my single name. I've been doing it by degrees. First (and fairly quickly), in common usage, I reverted to my name. It was easily done, as during my marriage I'd gone by a double-barrelled surname (Myname-Hisname), so I only had to drop the Hisname part, and I introduced myself in that way immediately after we'd parted.

Not so very long ago, I had the phone and electricity company change the billing-name to mine. I'd anticipated "Oh... we have to close the account and open a new one. That will be a €€€€€ connection fee..." But no. They were very human. "Yes, Madam. We can do that for you."

When I set about opening bank-accounts in my name, I ran into the difficulty of all my ID being in my married name, so I had to still use that, but I was able to revert my signature to the single name.

And the ID - my passport, my driving licence... well, they'd come up for renewal, wouldn't they? Sometime ... The passport did come up for renewal this spring, and I did it. I got my new passport - and it had its maiden voyage when we went to Paris for the May weekend.

So... Driving licence. Well, you know, it's not due to be renewed for another 2 years. But maybe, since I'm now travelling on a passport in the name of Ms Myname, a Driving licence in the name of Ms Myname-Hisname might be queried in the USA - being as they're especially vigilant about documentation and all that these days, so maybe, maybe I should change it?

That's what I was thinking. And then, today, when I went to pay my car-tax, I found myself in the same office as the driving-licence desk. I almost left. And then, I thought... go ask about it.

Me: My driving licence isn't due for renewal, but I've changed my name. It's not possible to just do that, is it?

Lady at desk: Oh, yes, if you bring in photo ID like your passport showing the new name.

Me: I suppose I'd have to go get photos taken, though.

Lady at desk: No. We can use the photo that's on your current licence.

Me: Oh. Ok.

Lady at desk: So, if you come back with your passport...

Me: I have it here.

Lady at desk: Right. You just sign this slip of paper in your name, give me your licence, let me take a copy of your passport, and that's that.

Me: So, how much will that cost then?

Lady at desk: Nothing. You're not renewing your licence. We're just making a little change. That will be in the post to you on Wednesday.

DONE!!!

It only took five-and-a-half years ..... and three minutes!

Oh... and the bank tell me they can change my name now any time I want. That's the last frontier, and I will cross it before the summer's out!

September Changes & Poetry Changes

September is here. I will soon be spending my days following a schedule, a structure. I will be leaving behind my days of freedom to amble about the house in pyjamas, eating orange-yogurt ricecakes and reading blogs until 5 in the afternoon. From next week, I'll be rising at an early hour, pairing the right shirt with the right trousers (or trying to), making sure my shoes aren't scuffed, and my hair is straight as I leave the house. I'll be sensible about breakfast. I'll check that I've got my paperwork in order. I'll be a grown-up, a member of the workforce again.

But only for the mornings. I'm planning to get to the gym some afternoons. And to nap in others. I'm thinking how precious my weekends are going to be; how I'll be wanting to use those days for all the things I love best, and how necessary it will be to maintain order around me if I'm not going to have to spend my weekends just restoring order. I'm reminding myself that I have good habits established in using my calender and diary, and that I just need to keep that up, so things don't get lost, so I can see what my commitments are, and not feel I'm losing touch with my life. I'm wondering what will be good coffee-times for my friends, if I'm no longer free for mornings or lunch. I'm wondering about alternatives. I'm just a little bit anxious moving into this new phase of my life (again).

And just when this change comes along, along come others. Last week saw the demise of Poetry Thursday, and now it seems that the efforts to install a replacement project aren't going ahead. There are plans for the community to take it forward by posting a poetry piece in their blogs on Thursdays, and for one person to 'host' comments linking to their post. The wonderful Delia is going to be the "Blog-Momma" for the first round tomorrow. I don't know how much blogging time I'm going to have over the coming months, but I really want to continue the connections with all the wonderful poets who appeared in my life via Poetry Thursday, so I'm committing to doing something each week. Last week, I mentioned that, along with Poetry Thursday, I'm part of two "real-world" writers' groups, and very lucky I felt to be. Well, this is changing too.

Life just IS change, isn't it? Things happen to cause people to move on. - Work, education plans, relationships shift in our lives, and so our lives have to move to accommodate the changes. In one of my groups, too many members have reached times of change all at this time. The group couldn't hold, and a graceful goodbye is being said to Glass Apple Writers. Then, at the first post-summer meeting of my other writers' group, we learnt that two members are moving away for a while, - but another, who had taken some time out, has returned. Enthusiasm for the same type of projects we've done in the past is flagging. There's a feeling that something needs to shift, a need for a new energy - for change. Yes, I can take change, but not too much. After we'd had some time discussing business, checking in, we got to the work of the evening, - sharing our writing, and oh, that was when I breathed, that was when I realised that This is what draws us together. We love to write, we love to read , we love to get inside the piece of writing, or to let it get inside us. This is what feeds my soul. This won't change. I know that this won't change.

Sunday Scribblings - Nemesis

After last week's look at heroes, this week, Sunday Scribblings' theme is Nemesis.

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She dwells within, her with the long, bony finger, always pointing; Her, with the sharp eyes and the shaking head. No, No, No, she will intone. You can't do that, can't chance that, You can't risk that. What will they say? What will happen? You will get laughed at, you will fail. You will make a fool of yourself. You will end up despondent and depressed. You can't, you shouldn't, you mustn't, you needn't. She says everything is ok as it is, She figures change isn't a good idea. Staying just where we are is comfortable for her. She allows me to argue, up to a point, and then she shakes the head again. But, But, But, she will chant. She is the sprinkler of doubts, she has a way of being there, just turning up whenever there's an idea afoot, a new something in the air. There she will be, with her chorus of doubters to back her up.



But, now that I have come to know her, now that I understand her fears, she holds less fear for me. I can let her have her say, and sometimes, having assured her that I'm listening, that she has put a stop to my madness, I just go ahead and do what I wanted anyway. See? I'll say to her, - See? I made a change, and the world didn't collapse after all!

Will I ever manage to silence her entirely? Probably not, but at least we can live together now. At least I am not afraid of her. At least I know her face, and know when she is active, there's every chance of an exciting change happening!

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Meet other's nemesis (ses?) HERE