The Truth

I've learnt a lot about myself and about life since my marriage ended more than 5 years ago. I've learnt to accept a lot about myself, and one of those things is that I have my own timing on certain tasks, and it's not right or wrong. It just is how it is. In my own good time, I become ready to do something that last week, last month or last year I wasn't ready to do. Why? Dunno.

And the mystery is that some of the things I put off don't seem to be particularly hard tasks. Some of the things I've accomplished were monumental (to me, at least). One of the things I've been really slow at dealing with was the change of my name from my married name back to my single name. I've been doing it by degrees. First (and fairly quickly), in common usage, I reverted to my name. It was easily done, as during my marriage I'd gone by a double-barrelled surname (Myname-Hisname), so I only had to drop the Hisname part, and I introduced myself in that way immediately after we'd parted.

Not so very long ago, I had the phone and electricity company change the billing-name to mine. I'd anticipated "Oh... we have to close the account and open a new one. That will be a €€€€€ connection fee..." But no. They were very human. "Yes, Madam. We can do that for you."

When I set about opening bank-accounts in my name, I ran into the difficulty of all my ID being in my married name, so I had to still use that, but I was able to revert my signature to the single name.

And the ID - my passport, my driving licence... well, they'd come up for renewal, wouldn't they? Sometime ... The passport did come up for renewal this spring, and I did it. I got my new passport - and it had its maiden voyage when we went to Paris for the May weekend.

So... Driving licence. Well, you know, it's not due to be renewed for another 2 years. But maybe, since I'm now travelling on a passport in the name of Ms Myname, a Driving licence in the name of Ms Myname-Hisname might be queried in the USA - being as they're especially vigilant about documentation and all that these days, so maybe, maybe I should change it?

That's what I was thinking. And then, today, when I went to pay my car-tax, I found myself in the same office as the driving-licence desk. I almost left. And then, I thought... go ask about it.

Me: My driving licence isn't due for renewal, but I've changed my name. It's not possible to just do that, is it?

Lady at desk: Oh, yes, if you bring in photo ID like your passport showing the new name.

Me: I suppose I'd have to go get photos taken, though.

Lady at desk: No. We can use the photo that's on your current licence.

Me: Oh. Ok.

Lady at desk: So, if you come back with your passport...

Me: I have it here.

Lady at desk: Right. You just sign this slip of paper in your name, give me your licence, let me take a copy of your passport, and that's that.

Me: So, how much will that cost then?

Lady at desk: Nothing. You're not renewing your licence. We're just making a little change. That will be in the post to you on Wednesday.

DONE!!!

It only took five-and-a-half years ..... and three minutes!

Oh... and the bank tell me they can change my name now any time I want. That's the last frontier, and I will cross it before the summer's out!

and 2007 yields to 2008

Over the past few days, my thoughts have been circling around the summary of the year that was 2007 for me, and about the coming year and what I want and/or expect to find there. My annual practice of reviewing my year at my birthday was shelved this year, as I simply didn't find the time to do it. On the weekend of my birthday, there was the party, there were houseguests, and, unlike past years, on the monday, instead of finding myself at home again with abundant time, I was out into the world of work, meetings, busy-ness. The wonderful luxury of unlimited time to myself no longer mine. The weekends between my birthday and Christmas somehow passed without me bringing out my journal to pause, to reflect, to acknowledge the year that led to my 50th birthday.

And Christmas came, and I travelled to my hometown, spent time with my family. I did resurrect my morning pages journal (once), but even then didn't give the time to my usual review of the year. I need to slow down. I need to breathe. I need to give myself - now - that time. If I don't reflect on the past year with some attention, then I am likely to just run pell-mell into the coming year without proper direction, so it's a necessary exercise.

This is all part of the big, big learning and transition which 2007 presented to me. In going into the regular workforce, I've been given the challenge of finding the balance in my life; of identifying those elements of my life which must be continued, honoured, accommodated in my lifestyle, and those which no longer serve me, which I can let go; and this is what's going on at the moment. It's taking time to notice the places where pressure is put on my energy resources, and to make the shifts. I'm noticing what I miss from my old life, and in noticing, reminding myself that I need to find ways to maintain those things. Like this review. I actually need to sit with my journal - not just Morning Pages - to check in with myself at least monthly, but preferably weekly. Pause. Sit. Say "Hello, how is everything?"

So my first intention for 2008 is to Name the first Sunday of the month my Journal day. I'll be giving at least 2 hours to my journal on that day. I can use it more often, but this will be my commitment.

During 2007, a lot changed for me, arising out of the change in my employment. For a start, I applied for a job, prepared for and sat an interview, for the first time since 1979! And got the job. That was a big deal for me, a huge achievement, an affirmation.

Arising from that, came the whole process of shifting my perception of myself to a more professional image. I took the challenge of teaching a class in psychology. Ran a 20 week course, prepared my students for an exam, and am half-way through the same course again. Yes, it was a scary prospect, Yes, I had inner whisperings of doubt, but I went ahead despite them, and it's going well.

I finished the work on redecorating the downstairs of my home. Created a therapy room, used it. Made my living-room really comfortable. Removed the broken chairs, the unloved cushions. Celebrated with new pieces of art. Hung the pieces that had languished against walls and hadn't been properly appreciated.

In 2007, I've been trusting my intuition, letting impulses guide me as to where I'd like to go. When the urge hit me to book a place at the August SoulCollage(R) facilitators' conference, I just went ahead and booked to go back to California. What a wonderful trip that was! My soul-connection to that place, and to the friends I've made there is one of my life's great gifts. I'm so glad I followed my intuition there, that I went off and discovered Yosemite all on my own.

Part of my intention for 2008 is to return again to California- I have a reason to go! When I wondered how I could justify a third trip the universe answered, with an invitation to go in late June 2008 - just as my work finishes for the summer. So go I will, to begin training as a SoulCollage facilitator-trainer. I'm so honoured to have been invited to do this, and so excited at the prospect.

On the past 2 visits, I've stayed in Northern California, Oregon, Washington. This year, I'm intending to go south, and to meet up with friends, old and new, from real life and from BlogLand. I'm willing to bring my poetry and SoulCollage wherever the wind may blow me, to share in whatever ways present.

Last year, 2007, saw me move my SoulCollage practice from a comfortable setting in which I invited friends to my home occasionally to make cards to a new stage, where I organised and promoted a series of public workshops, which went really well. I was so happy with the response, and have been delighted that the women who have attended the workshops have now become a community of SoulCollage artists, always glad to come together again. My commitment for 2008 is to Bring SoulCollage to the other 3 provinces of Ireland, with at least one workshop in each. Plans are under way, but not completed yet.

When I found myself in a regular job, I took a couple of steps which have been helpful for my health. - Began a regimen of supplements to maintain health, and I've been going to bed at reasonable hours - enough to get 7-8 hours sleep. What I've been aware of, but haven't done anything about, is a need to return to a pattern of eating that will help me lose 40 lbs. I'd stopped going to WeightWatchers, (who helped me reach my goal weight 5 years ago) and I realise that the regular meetings are necessary to keep me focused. So, I'll be committing to Re-joining WeightWatchers, and to keeping track of my eating.

With so much focus on my job, I allowed a few of the other happenings of 2007 to slip by without giving them as much attention as they deserved: When I was invited to give a poetry workshop for schoolchildren in my hometown, I went ahead and did it, and it was so enjoyable! I found myself in my first (and probably only ever) autograph-scrum, with a milling crowd of 11-year-olds begging me to sign their notebooks, bookmarks... whatever! As work and SoulCollage take up much of my time, I don't want my poetry to be sidelined completely, so I'm committing to taking a writing retreat during the Easter holidays - whether that be something organised, or something I just plan for myself. I want to submit poems to journals again, and to really be an active and productive member of my writers group.

I know this is a very long post, but it's written mainly as a reminder to myself, so I'm not going to shorten it in any way, or to leave out what's the most important intention for the year - the intention I repeat over and over in my life, returning to in cycles. My spiritual life is the source of the energy for everything else. Without a foundation of spiritual energy, nothing else I do is worth doing, so before any of the other actions that I've spoken of above, the intention to reaffirm a Commitment to daily prayer and reading of the Holy Writings is the one I want to focus on first.

For the past number of years, I've been trying to live in a way that makes me open to opportunities, to new ideas, to suggestions of possibility. I've been trying to accept challenges, to take risks, to try something new. Life has been rewarding, rich and wonderful, and I want to remain open to whatever may present unexpectedly in the coming year. I want to be flexible, to not be stuck on a road that isn't bringing me in the right direction. I want to be ready to try a side-road, or to double back to check out something glimpsed away in the distance. With all the intentions I've stated, I'd like to keep this intention also. To be open, to be ready to change.

If you have read this far - You are a true friend! If you want to share reflections on the year past, and intentions for the coming year, please let me know in the comments. I've been inspired by reading other bloggers posts on their plans and goals, and would like to cheer you along with yours too!