GreenishLady

Originally Blogging the Artist's Way. Thoughts, musings, experience of the 12-week course, January to March 2006. And after that?.... Life, creativity, writing. Where does it all meet? Here, perhaps.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Sunday Scribblings: Goodbyes

Goodbyes

I did not want to be asked to speak of Goodbyes this weekend, but Goodbyes have been on my mind. These have some small goodbyes: Last week, two computers, a dead microwave, a never-used sewing-machine gone to recycling. In bags to charity shops over the last months, Goodbye to too-small and too-big clothes, stained, strained and colour-drained clothes. In at least eight apple-boxes, books, novels that will never be re-read. In recent times, I’ve acknowledged my farewells to young skin, perfect eyesight, the idea that I’ll ever be a size 10 again.

In the last year, too many sad Goodbyes. Friends lost to long illnesses or sudden, swift death. My father sits in a sad silence, counting the friends he has lost in recent times. My mother seems to have chosen to leave us, retreating into a place where she has now forgotten the names of all the people she has had to say Goodbye to.

I am a woman holding a loss, hearing the echoes too often in my days of a Goodbye my husband did not speak aloud. Four years on – today – I still hear it, I still want to say “Wait!” – sometimes. Sometimes, it feels like the Goodbye has been said, like it is finished, and I breathe a sigh and say “That’s that, then. It’s finally over, finally behind me.” And later: a day later, a week later, a month later, a memory, an incident, a question, a movie, a song, standing stirring a stew, will remind me, will call him back, and the process of finishing that last Goodbye starts all over again.

You do not want to hear about those Goodbyes again and again. They fill my pages. They leak from my eyes. I have been trying to complete those Goodbyes by leaving go of the reminders. I have said Goodbye to the ugly curtains and ugly carpets that filled our home. I have sent away the bulk of his books and his stuff. Out the furniture and fittings that surrounded our life, and instead I am creating a home of my own, in shades of lemon and cream, filled with light and freshness.

But today, thinking about the Goodbyes, I don’t know if I can bear to read of many other Goodbyes and still, I want to honour and witness the losses and Goodbyes that I know are part of the life of all my companions on this road. If I do not comment on your Sunday Scribbling this week, please know that I am with you too. Blessings to you all.
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PS.....
Just a few hours later, I've read through some 50 Sunday Scribbling posts on the theme of goodbyes, and I have been touched, awed, inspired by the writings and the sensibilities of the wonderful community who come here to share each week. Far from making me feel sad, I've been given new perspective (or aided to regain perspective) and new understanding about the nature of life, and the fact that with each Goodbye, there is a Hello, and that everyone who has been in my life has been here for a reason (or many reasons), and for all of that, I am grateful indeed. Thank you all.

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16 Comments:

At 4/2/07 11:20 am, Blogger Kamsin said...

So many goodbyes, thanks for sharing them. And thanks for commenting on my blog!

 
At 4/2/07 1:14 pm, Blogger gautami tripathy said...

Goodbyes are painful. The way it is now for me. Thanks for visiting my blog. Do keep coming!

 
At 4/2/07 2:23 pm, Blogger Cate said...

You speak so poignantly about the nature of certain goodbyes, that drawn out process that keeps elbowing you with tender, sore reminders. I have known "goodbyes" like that--they can nearly knock the breath out of you. I am so sorry for your pain, Imelda. Many, many xo's.

 
At 4/2/07 3:18 pm, Anonymous s said...

i was just thinking how 'goodbye' seems to ring of finality, yet the mother of all muses, Mnemosyne, seem impervious to it: i thought it a curse until i realize sometimes it could be a gift.

i hope many more hellos fill your life. =)

 
At 4/2/07 6:56 pm, Blogger Margaret said...

I know how hard it can be to write about certain topics such as goodbyes. I also know how hard it can be to read what others have to say on this same topic. I am glad you went ahead and read though. Your postscript has such a such a different tone from your main "scribbling." It seems that your writing and your reading has taken on a new exploration.
Namaste

 
At 4/2/07 9:49 pm, Blogger Tammy said...

You're so brave to share such a painful goodbye. May your new home heal your heart leaving good memories and peace.

 
At 4/2/07 10:09 pm, Blogger paris parfait said...

I'm glad you're taking proactive steps to make the home truly yours and reclaim yourself - sometimes it's so hard to let go; to say that final goodbye. But do it we must, to find new hellos.

 
At 5/2/07 4:05 am, Blogger January said...

Thanks for sharing your goodbyes.
And it is amazing how many different goodbyes people describe this week for Sunday Scribblings.

 
At 5/2/07 7:35 am, Blogger ish said...

Poignant, revealing the hurt with out a skerrick of maudlin. I also am reveling in the joy of getting rid of stuff as never before. The physical sorting and disposal is great for the soul too. Thank you for your visits to my blogs.

 
At 5/2/07 6:10 pm, Blogger Amber said...

I have felt so much the same this week. You speak of it beautifully, as always...

And it is beautiful how sometimes these Ss's can open ones mind, because of th way so manypeople see a thing, and share their hearts.

:)

 
At 6/2/07 6:46 am, Anonymous khambagirl said...

I guess I don't often think of saying goodbye to things, and yet, they are losses in our lives. Goodbyes truly are painful. I am glad that you were encouraged and inspired by others. It is hard to hold things and people with an open hand, and I am thankful for people who have been in my life, even if only for a short time. And I am thankful for your openness and honesty on your blog. I hope to meet you one day!
Bonnie

 
At 6/2/07 9:47 pm, Blogger lolololo said...

Goodbye and Hello.

Saying goodbye to the computers and boxes of old clothes and books that will never be re-read will surely open new doors, new hellos.

Did you see them in your dreams last night? Buzzing so close to the surface that they can't wait to burst forth like the first flowers of spring.

 
At 7/2/07 5:30 am, Blogger deirdre said...

I'm feeling the same way about these goodbyes. And I'm reading because I want to honor the writing of them. I hope the hellos come to you with great, huge smiles.

 
At 7/2/07 10:33 pm, Blogger twilightspider said...

Amazing what a simple word like "goodbye" can stir up in people. You write so beautifully about such painful things - my heart and all of my best thoughts go out to you.

 
At 8/2/07 10:19 am, Blogger Terri /Tinker said...

Goodbyes are never easy for me - I chose to sit this Sunday Scribblings out - though I'm glad you and so many others participated - I've enjoyed reading them as well.

 
At 8/2/07 2:29 pm, Blogger Jone said...

The word "good-bye" evokes so much emotion. Your pain and loss is so honestly spoken in this piece. Thank you for sharing.

 

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