GreenishLady

Originally Blogging the Artist's Way. Thoughts, musings, experience of the 12-week course, January to March 2006. And after that?.... Life, creativity, writing. Where does it all meet? Here, perhaps.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Sunday Scribbling: New

There's a new feeling I've been carrying around for a while. It came upon me unexpectedly, and at first, I wasn't sure I could trust it to last, so I just let it sit a while. Every so often, I returned, gave a gentle poke to see was it still there, and sure enough, it stirred, sighed, said "Yes, I told you, I'm home! Now let me just settle in, will you!" What to name it? Acceptance? Forgiveness? Whatever the name for it, it's brought a new peace to my heart that is very welcome. This has been the first Christmas and New Year that I have not wept for five years. What a gift!

It turned up so easily, just when I'd accepted that I was probably going to go through the rest of my life carrying a certain level of sadness, of pain at the end of my marriage. One morning - the morning of the solstice, as it happens - random thoughts about the things we do that limit us in our lives, the things I can so easily see friends doing that bog them down, led to the simple question: Well, what is it you are carrying around that limits you, that restricts your freedom, that holds you back? And the answer was instant, simple. My woundedness. I knew that if I asked any friend that question, they would have given me this answer.

And inside me, something broke loose and began to float away. The knot of bitter feelings, of regret began to unravel itself, and I knew, that if D, my erstwhile husband was to invite me in for tea, I would now be able to say "Yes, thank you, that would be nice". Just knowing that was huge for me. This was NEW. Sudden. Somewhat shocking. But oh, I was so ready for this.

And that very day, passing through a shopping centre, I got a chance to test out the feeling - for there he was, having tea at a cafe, and when I stopped to chat, I checked myself out. Was my heart racing? Was I having bitter, bitchy thoughts? No. I really wasn't. When he invited me to join him for coffee, I did, and when I was ready to go, I wished him a happy Christmas, gathered my packages, and left, walking up the street, surprised with myself for the lack of turmoil, for the peace I felt.

Maybe it will slip away again, but now I know that I can experience this sense of peace. This is the gift I have been most thankful for this year. This is the New thing I welcome most.
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If you would like to see what other Sunday Scribblers had to say about "New/New Year" check it out HERE

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16 Comments:

At 6/1/08 2:59 pm, Anonymous gautami tripathy said...

You finally accepted. End of any relationship is sad. However we have to move on. You did well..

Best of 2008 to you..

 
At 6/1/08 3:35 pm, Blogger Robin said...

What a hopeful, positive post. I believe that there are powers afoot during the solstices which are there to help us, if only we know how to let them in. You obviously do.

Here's to peace.

 
At 6/1/08 3:56 pm, Blogger Bohemian Mom said...

I love this post!
Very empowering, and you write so well.
Happy 2008!

 
At 6/1/08 3:59 pm, Blogger sister AE said...

congratulations!

 
At 6/1/08 4:32 pm, Blogger Penelope Anne said...

This is an outstanding post, a true accomplishment in writing and mre inportantly in facing a difficult emotion and finding a NEW way to deal with it. Lovely.
If interested you can find my scribblings on The Writer's Lounge page of my blog.

 
At 6/1/08 7:01 pm, Blogger Julie Marie said...

I am so glad for you that you are able to shed the bitterness. You will feel so much lighter now for having that burden off your shoulders.

I read on Lila's post about 12th Night that the sixth of January is known as Women's Christmas. Very interesting. Our tree went out a few minutes ago. I hadn't had the full value of it either, but it was SOOO dry, and Gracie had robbed it of the bottom ornaments (and ruined some favorites). The other decorations may have to wait, as I forgot I needed to get a new tote to house them.

Julie

 
At 6/1/08 7:02 pm, Blogger Julie Marie said...

I am so glad for you that you are able to shed the bitterness. You will feel so much lighter now for having that burden off your shoulders.

Amended: I read in your comment on Lila's post about 12th Night that the sixth of January is known as Women's Christmas. Very interesting. Our tree went out a few minutes ago. I hadn't had the full value of it either, but it was SOOO dry, and Gracie had robbed it of the bottom ornaments (and ruined some favorites). The other decorations may have to wait, as I forgot I needed to get a new tote to house them.

Julie

 
At 6/1/08 10:42 pm, Blogger Kara said...

What a nice post on this topic new - it gladdens my heart to read of this sort of peace coming to you.

 
At 6/1/08 11:37 pm, Blogger Skyelarke said...

way to go girl! tough, but so freeing. i think you might connect with a few of my poems, as I have been going thru a separation almost at divorce this year... http://skyelarke.blogspot.com/2007/12/competition.html and http://skyelarke.blogspot.com/2007/05/masks-her-eyes-could-no-longer-see.html
Happy New Year!

 
At 7/1/08 2:59 am, Blogger tumblewords said...

Wonderful! Wonderful! I love when something that rests like an albatross finally takes flight and lightens the world. Some things just deserve an END. Grin.

 
At 7/1/08 4:15 am, Blogger Becca said...

Congratulations, Imelda. I've been through that kind of experience, and it is a huge relief to be able to come to terms with the anger and bitterness and move on into a new life.

You wrote about this so beautifully. too.

 
At 7/1/08 9:06 am, Blogger Taexalia said...

Wow that's a powerful shift and a beautiful post. I hope you fill the space that was your wound with colourful things and laughter :)

 
At 7/1/08 4:19 pm, OpenID thetonguetiedmuse said...

Congrats. I am in the middle of that struggle (my choice) and it still hard. Best wishes and growing into your new found emotional freedom in 2008.

 
At 9/1/08 8:05 pm, Blogger Granny Smith said...

Such eloquently expressed wisdom! I hope your acceptance is a ppermanent gift.

 
At 12/1/08 5:54 am, Blogger deirdre said...

This is such an affirming experience. It's always a gift to see just how far we've come. Congratulations. xoxo

 
At 22/1/08 3:02 am, Blogger Wenda said...

Another inspiring, healing question. Thanks.

 

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