Originally Blogging the Artist's Way. Thoughts, musings, experience of the 12-week course, January to March 2006. And after that?.... Life, creativity, writing. Where does it all meet? Here, perhaps.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Sunday Scribblings: The Date

I don't know exactly what date it was when my husband left me. Strange to say, I think I know, I can surmise, but as I wasn't at home at the time, I can only assume he left the day I was returning from a weekend away. Otherwise, he'd have been leaving our 16-year-old son alone in the house, and he wouldn't have done that. It was enough that he left him to say "Dad's moved into his new place". I imagine the thinking behind that was that he was sparing me the sight of him walking out the door with a suitcase; sparing himself whatever it might have cost to say "Goodbye".

I know the date we decided to part. I thought it would be engraved in my memory forever, but last year, the day passed, and it was close on midnight when I paused and said "Oh, yeah... this was the day...."

I know the date of the second-last time we made love. The last time... there's an approximate location in time. It could even be today, 13th January. But now, since our parting, this date has become the anniversary of his father's death.

I know the date on which we first met. My first day in a new job. I know the date of our first date. I know the date on which our son was conceived, the date on which it seemed I was about to lose that precious little blob of cells, the date on which I finally realised that he had held on, that he was clinging inside me for another while longer.

I know the date on which my son was due to be born, and that he decided to arrive two days early. He's never liked to wait for anything. Fast food is never fast enough. Buses are too slow. What puts him off travelling is not the distance. It's the time.

I carry dates with me in a fairly sloppy mental roll-call. Birthdays, anniversaries, first-times, last-times. I carry approximate dates, connecting two people with birthdays in the same week in my mind, perhaps confusing which order they come in. My year comes to points of notice, times when I feel a date so significant is going to be really meaningful, and then, the day might pass like any other.

This year, I believe I've passed the watershed of pain, that I will be able to face the 25th anniversary of my wedding without bemoaning the absence of silver-edged cards, or special romantic outings and trips. That date has now become another anniversary. - The long-longed-for child that my cousin and his wife will be adopting was born on that date last year.

Dates become transformed. My calendar fills up with notations of meetings, gatherings, events to be marked. Days pass, the year turns, and the next day begins again and again, anew.

If you would like to read what other people had to say about "Dates" go look at Sunday Scribblings. Thanks for stopping by.



At 13/1/08 2:09 pm, Blogger Becca said...

Lovely post. I enjoyed the way you pointed out that difficult dates can be transformed in memory, not only by the passage of time, but by the superceding of joyous events.

I'm glad you're moving past the sadness and moving on with your life.

At 13/1/08 4:03 pm, Blogger Cate said...

Imelda, what a beautiful, bittersweet post. I read all of the time through Bloglines (though don't comment enough), and I just wanted to let you know that your writing never ceases to move me.

Here's to all of the joy-filled dates to come. xo

At 13/1/08 4:20 pm, Blogger Christine Gail said...

An extremely personal and moving piece. Time heals or at least lessens some wounds.

At 13/1/08 7:24 pm, Blogger Robin said...

What a beautiful post, full of both beauty and pain. I'm especially touched by the way you have transformed some of that pain into markers of new joys.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

At 13/1/08 7:45 pm, Blogger Tammy Brierly said...

What a moving post Imelda! I had no idea but your "dates can be transformed" was brilliant and full of hope. XXOO

At 13/1/08 8:28 pm, Blogger Unknown said...

This is a very touching post, written with passion and done with great care as you share pain and joy within the same tale.

Thank you for sharing,
Penelope Anne

At 13/1/08 10:16 pm, Blogger Keith's Ramblings said...

A very moving piece. I try to put the dates of unpleasant things behind me and only remember the good ones! As I said, I try, but I don't succeed!

At 13/1/08 11:22 pm, Blogger Claremont First Ward said...

I popped over here to post and realized that Becca said almost exactly what I would have. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your "dates". Thanks for taking the time to visit and comment on my blog! :)

At 14/1/08 1:22 am, Blogger Unknown said...

Calendar dates hold such significance for us! You did a good job of showing us how that can be. I took another meaning of date.

At 14/1/08 10:19 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This absolutely took my breath away, and what a powerful first line to draw us in. A beautiful post written from the heart,with so much truth in it.

My much-longed for daughter was born very prematurely but poignantly, on the anniversary of my beloved father's death; something I wrote about on the anniversary a few days ago. Two of the most important people in my life, they sadly never knew each other but are eternally linked together by a date.

At 14/1/08 11:44 pm, Blogger Tumblewords: said...

Wonderfully reflective and moving! The older I get, the more dates I find transformed by more recent events. Nicely put.

At 15/1/08 12:20 am, Blogger Leah said...

beautiful post. thank you for sharing it. and you're right, dates do get transformed over time. xoxox

At 15/1/08 3:43 am, Blogger Fran aka Redondowriter said...

I couldn't help but identify with your poignant post, Imelda. I do remember the date we separated--Feb. 11, 1984 after just celebrating our 25th anniversary. And now all these years have passed so quickly. Like you, I remember some dates vividly and others fade. Those who counsel people often say that even though we may not consciously remember traumatic or special dates, our bodies cellularly remember.

At 15/1/08 8:22 pm, Blogger Amber said...

Wow. This was beautifully shared. Very touching.

ox ;)

At 15/1/08 8:39 pm, Blogger Granny Smith said...

Otto and I have become masters of scrambled dates - transformed, forgotten, disagreed upon, all other configurations. This was a very moving, bittersweet post. You surely know how to write!

At 16/1/08 6:48 pm, Blogger Savory Girl said...

"Dates become transformed." And so do lives. What a beautiful and personal post. How wonderful that your pain has transformed as well. Lovely.

At 18/1/08 1:26 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was lovely, indeed!

At 18/1/08 7:14 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Dates become transformed. My calendar fills up with notations of meetings, gatherings, events to be marked. Days pass, the year turns, and the next day begins again and again, anew."

This is a beautiful refection.

It is wonderful the way our year can be filled with special or sacred days, but it is especially hopeful that even days of sadness hold the potential to be transformed into joy - as was the day of your 25th anniversary by the birth of new life.

How fitting and how beautifully written. Thank you.


At 18/1/08 11:24 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not to be a pain but if you can cope, myrtlebeachwhale tagged me, so consider yourself tagged too, don't feel pressured ... details on my blog -

At 18/1/08 4:09 pm, Blogger Deirdre said...

"but last year, the day passed" - there are dates in my life that sometimes pass this way too and it always surprises me that I've momentarily forgotten. Yes, a sign of healing.

At 18/1/08 6:17 pm, Blogger Julie said...

As they say, "Time heals all wounds" and "Wounds all heels!"

Seriously though, I, too, am glad you are moving on.



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