Little did I know when I said I'd like to do a creative giveaway on my 200th post that it would fall at a time when I'd be feeling like this. (Yes, I knew on one level, but I didn't want to think about it. I didn't know exactly how I'd be feeling). I'm not in a place for creating very much right now, but I do want to offer something to my friends out there, so I will have something to send to those of you who email me with your postal addresses. It may take me a little while to get it organised, but rest assured, it will happen.
Fran asked in the comments on my Sunday Scribblings post, "How are you feeling today?" Well, I'm ok. I'm sad. I'm getting on with the business of life - work and meetings. I've been cooking up a storm over the past couple of days (I do that at times of stress. Chop vegetables, stir soups. Fill the freezer). I'm carrying Trixie's collar in my pocket. My sister's bridal bouquet lies on her resting-place, but that has reached the end of its life, and will need to be taken away to the compost-bin soon.
This morning, I wrote my morning pages for the first time since last Thursday. I usually write 3 full pages, sitting on the couch, with my feet up. Last Thursday, I wrote only one page, and put them aside, as Trixie was nudging at my leg, wanting to be on my lap. She hated my writing. It kept her off my lap. That last morning, I put the notebook aside, and left her climb up, and we sat a while. I'm glad now that I did that.
Today, picking up the notebook, I felt really sad that she wouldn't be nudging at my leg, that she wouldn't be circling on the couch looking for a comfy spot, and that she wouldn't eventually settle into the crook of my knee to sleep. There's this void. This space that Trixie used to fill. This absence.
This is such a BAD 200th post. I should be celebrating all I've gained from blogging, and thanking and celebrating all my fellow-bloggers. I should be linking to favourite places and maybe reminding you of milestones along the journey that's brought me here.
But let me say this: I am sharing with you what I haven't yet been able to share with some of my other friends. I'm finding a place here where I can process this experience, where there is understanding at a level that brings me great comfort.
The bonds of friendship forged here, in the connections between bloggers are deep, and I want to thank all of you for that. For the humour, the sharing, the being there, the accepting that sometimes we are away, and we come back; for the glimpses into your lives, for the questions you pose and the ideas you suggest; for the pointers to new writers, artists and creative paths. For all of these things I am thankful.
Namaste, my blogging friends. Blessings to you all