GreenishLady

Originally Blogging the Artist's Way. Thoughts, musings, experience of the 12-week course, January to March 2006. And after that?.... Life, creativity, writing. Where does it all meet? Here, perhaps.

Friday, September 21, 2007

sad

Oh... I don't know how to begin this, or what I can say, but I need to share with you that today is a very sad day for me. I've just said goodbye to my dear little companion, Trixie, who was 15 years and 5 months old. I've known for a while that it would be necessary to give her a peaceful end, and it became really clear last week that if I wasn't going to put her through surgery that it would need to be soon. I delayed a while so that I wouldn't have to bear that news to my family when we were celebrating my sister's wedding last week, but today, with my son I brought her to the animal hospital where she had a peaceful and gentle end. She is now buried in my garden (her garden) where she spent so many days enjoying the sunshine. She will have a spindle tree to mark the spot, because at this time of year every year, it will offer a flame of remembrance.

As I write, I can still hardly believe it has really happened. Maybe I shouldn't write much, as I am still in the early stages of grief, and not rational at all. I'm having flashes of denial. It's natural. So why am I writing? To help myself really believe it, I suppose, and to let you know, dear friends, because so many of you have befriended Trixie through her appearances here, and for a while in her own blog, Trixie's Days. Her last words there were last December, and I resisted the impulse to post there anytime after January, because her final illness had begun, and I didn't want to name that, to speak that in her voice.

Her final days were a confirmation for me that the time was right. She was in some discomfort, but still able to eat, so she got little treats of chicken. We had a final walk around the neighbourhood at a quiet time of day on Wednesday, and she enjoyed that so much, I did start to wonder was the time right. But then I thought about the alternative - to wait until she could no longer walk, to wait until she was actually suffering a great deal, and I knew it was a better thing to release her spirit now.

She knew I was feeling sad in these last days, and comforted me, came for extra cuddles, and licked my hand. Last night, she climbed into my lap while we were sitting on the couch, and instead of turning her back to me, to lay her paws on my knees and sleep, she turned to face me, sat on my lap, sitting up, and looking straight into my face for ever such a long time, as though she was memorising me. It was the strangest thing, like she was letting me know that it was alright. Everything is alright. She was so trusting.

I am very grateful for the time I've had with Trixie, who came to us for my son's 6th birthday. She has been a constant companion, a faithful friend, and this is just the beginning of saying goodbye to her.

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14 Comments:

At 21/9/07 2:12 pm, Blogger Becca said...

Imelda, my heart just breaks for you. I know the comfort and joy these little furry companions bring, and I loved reading your wonderful tales about Trixie.

I know her life with you was all a puppy could ask for :)

You are in my thoughts...

 
At 21/9/07 2:47 pm, Blogger deirdre said...

Oh, Imelda, I'm so sorry to hear this. You made the right decision. I'll be thinking of you and Trixie today and hoping your heart will heal soon. You gave her a good life.

 
At 21/9/07 4:31 pm, Blogger Amber said...

Oh, dear Imelda. I can't tell you sorry I am. My heart hurts for you! I know how hard this was/is.
People sometimes don't realize how hard it is to let an animal companion go... You did do the right thing for Trixie-- even though it hurt you. And that is love.
I send you hugs and love, and prayers for comfort, my friend.

:)

 
At 21/9/07 4:34 pm, Blogger Cate said...

Imelda, I am so sorry for your loss. xo

 
At 21/9/07 4:59 pm, Blogger Julie Marie said...

I am so, so sad for you. I know what you are going through. We have had to do it three times, the last time this past October with Lady, our cocker spaniel. I took her to the vet for the end, as Dan had taken the other two. It was the most difficult thing to do, but the right thing.

I am sure you were right about your feelings when Trixie was looking at you for the longest time.

P. S. It is nice to have a name to go with "Greenish Lady."

 
At 21/9/07 6:12 pm, Anonymous MsShad said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I started crying almost immediately. I can't even think of it. And the fact that she stared at you last nite like that ... Lord, I can't even stand it. I'll be thinking of you every time I write about my dogs for the next several weeks.

Best wishes to you and your son, and the dear Trixie.

 
At 21/9/07 9:13 pm, Anonymous tinker said...

Oh, Imelda! I'm so, so sorry - when you visited me, I had no idea how much your day needed brightening. I am so sad - and I had only known her 'virtually,' - how her spirit shined, continues to shine through your words. Sending you loving, healing thoughts and many, many ((hugs)).

 
At 21/9/07 9:33 pm, Blogger Tammy said...

Oh Imelda, this is a really hard time for you. I'm so sorry you have lost your Trixie, she is the cutest lil thing. I lost my Manny of 17yrs last November and it crushed my heart.

Their gift of unconditional love lives on in every memory, picture and toy.

Warm hugs and total understanding as I sit here blubbering into my keyboard.

XXOO

 
At 21/9/07 9:59 pm, Anonymous ~Kathryn~ said...

sorry to hear of your loss
our little pets are such a strong part of our families ((hugs))

 
At 23/9/07 7:00 am, Blogger Jo said...

I'm so very sorry -- she was beautiful. We had a Jack Russell who was 22 when she shuffled off....my mother's heart was broken but several of us have 'seen' her since, following my mum out of rooms (a quick blur, nothing more, might have been a memory but........); Trixie won't be far away. Hug.

 
At 23/9/07 11:06 am, Blogger Redness said...

Ohhhh my heart goes out to you! I understand completely and hope that eventually, when the time is right there'll be the patter of another little Trixie in your life ;~) Huge HUGS.

 
At 24/9/07 9:32 pm, Blogger Wenda said...

Imelda, Thank you so much for sharing Trixie and your sadness here. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lit a candle on my desk for you and Trixie and will keep you in my thoughts.

 
At 25/9/07 7:22 pm, Blogger Leanne said...

Ive only found your blog this weekend and was reading back over posts when I came across this one. I had a lump in my throat, I know too well how you feel, Ive been there many times. I hope these messages bring you some comfort. I have a couple of poems that helped me, if you would like them email me via my blog and i;ll send them to you

Leanne x

 
At 26/9/07 3:47 am, Blogger Fran said...

Imelda, I'm so sorry to hear about Trixie. But, she had a long and happy life with you and your family. I still mourn every animal that once was in my life but no longer is. I actually do a Day of the Dead altar and my dogs pictures appear there as family members.

I love the idea of the spindle tree.

Thinking of you.

Love,
Fran

 

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